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 Last
month, I had a fine time carving the stuffing out of
A Good Day to Die Hard, the stupid,
misguided bloat that some genius decided was acceptable as the latest
chapter in the popular franchise. One of that film’s many trespasses
was in clearly having been a random, generic action script into which
the beloved John McClane character had been uncomfortably jammed. Would
that the creators of that movie looked a little further for a Die Hard
vehicle and they might’ve come up with Olympus Has Fallen.
A
snowy night at Camp David changes the lives of the President of the
United States and his family forever. The Secret Service agent on duty
at the time also suffers the repercussions of that event, although there
was nothing anyone could have done to prevent it. Mike Banning is a
walking reminder of the tragedy and cannot be allowed in the President’s
line of sight. Banning takes what equates to a desk job in Washington
DC, marking time until he can serve on active duty again. That day
comes a lot sooner than expected when an extremely elaborate plan by a
group of North Korean patriots deploys and does the unthinkable; takes
the President hostage and demolishes the White House. Banning, having
viewed the rampant destruction from his office window, catapults himself
into the action and calls upon his superior Secret Service ninja skills
to infiltrate the terrorists’ stronghold before they can get their hands
on nuclear codes and eliminate the PoTUS.
Besides not being the actual Die Hard sequel (C’mon, McClane taking
his grandkids through a White House tour when the North Koreans come
calling? Cinematic gold!), which would have been a far better fit,
Olympus Has Fallen features another wasted opportunity in the person of
its star, Gerard Butler. Butler, who was once best known for his
stunning, star-making turn as the wry, muscle-bound Spartan King
Leonidas in the blockbuster, 300, might now be equally well known for
shoving away that momentum with both hands by appearing in more than his
share of gonad-shriveling rom-coms with Jennifer Aniston and Katherine
Heigl, or B-movie actioners mostly of DVD-premiere quality. Rarely has
an actor given the type of instant recognition that 300 gave Butler, so
thoroughly dismissed his good fortune with a torrent of bad career
choices. Olympus Has Fallen is yet another one of those dumb
second-string actioners, but this time with a stellar cast who were
probably under the impression they were in for something better. The
movie does feature its share of loud explosions and big CGI
catastrophes, like the toppling of the Washington Monument. It’s also
pretty gory; with gunshots at point-blank range emitting blasts of red
mist through the nearest skull. Still, the whole thing is loopy and
dumb. We are meant to believe that the US government, with surveillance
enough to find a lost goat in the Sahara, didn’t keep tabs on this
super-efficient North Korean terrorist killing machine, particularly in
light of the visit of the South Korean Prime Minister? Mind you, this
gang of bad guys is lead by a man whose information was currently on
file as a threat: Clearly the pair of lensless glasses he sported up
until the big takeover fooled any and all face-recognition technology,
just like Clark Kent. I could have told the CIA that if someone is
wearing a pair of glasses with no glass in them - watch out, they’re
evil! That this group could have deployed such an extensive path of
destruction with absolutely no warning and no sign of a US military
rejoinder until midway through the movie is just ridiculous. Much time
is spent attempting to gin up tension with the White House staff being
tortured and threatened for their nuke codes and a wasted storyline
which I guess was meant to make more of Banning’s close relationship
with the President’s young son by putting him in mild, anticlimactic
peril. There are way too many silly coincidences and over-the-top
jingoistic moments -- which aren’t necessarily a bad thing. Hearing a
trounced and pummeled Melissa Leo shriek the Pledge of Allegiance over
an aggressively heroic soundtrack as she is literally dragged off by the
terrorists to what might be her execution is an unexpectedly campy hoot.
Mind you, the reason she’s so battered is because the President, played
by Aaron Eckhart (Working way too hard for this dreck.) takes his
sweet time in contemplation while the thugs viciously punch the humanity
out of his petite Secretary of Defense before deciding to give up the
codes. Other slumming stars include the ever-luminous Angela Bassett,
who I’m convinced could’ve stopped the terrorist invasion with a simple
lift of a perfectly-groomed eyebrow. Robert Forster’s panicky military
general channels both George C. Scott from Dr. Strangelove and Alexander
Haig. Morgan Freeman looks like he needs a nap as the Speaker of the
House, and I don’t know who Ashley Judd annoyed in Hollywood, but don’t
blink when she’s on (Maybe they actually did her a favour). The
handsome Rick Yune is reduced to a monotone scowl as the Asian big bad,
though I have a feeling we’ll be seeing more characters like his in
upcoming terrorism actioners as Hollywood gets more comfortable with
North Korea as an all-purpose US enemy. Gerard Butler sells the movie’s
physical exertions convincingly and reels off the movie’s few sharp
one-liners charmingly. That combination is really Butler’s niche in
action films, but that affable presence is for naught if the setting
doesn’t meet his work, which is the case here. Even for a mindless
popcorn movie -- which isn’t necessarily what I would expect from
Antoine Fuqua, director of the excellent Training Day -- there needs to
be some plausibility and this movie is pulling too hard on my belief
suspenders. All the explosions and bombastic violence in the world
cannot hide a dumb flick and there we have Olympus Has Fallen.
~ The
Lady Miz Diva
March
22nd, 2013
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