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 In
what can only be tenable as some sort of latter-day update of the
eighties teen sex farce (right down to its weirdly retro soundtrack)
That Awkward Moment spotlights the lives and horizontal adventures of
three young men going kicking and screaming into adulthood. The
difference between the dumb, libidinous capers of Porky’s, Losin’ it,
Private Resort, Private School, et al, and this film is the fact that
these are not hormonal high school sophomores; they are men in their
mid-twenties, out of college, supposedly ready to be something in the
world. That they are hopelessly arrested in an unattractive level of
manchildhood, yet still somehow manage to wrap females of stunningly
low-esteem and standards around their fingers (and other body parts)
is utter wish fulfillment by the filmmakers for the audience to suffer
through. Crude, gross, shallow and infantile, this puerile trash makes
even the dumbest eighties comedy seem Oscar-worthy by comparison.
Jason,
Daniel and Mikey are three pals who have somehow made it midway through
their second decade without the encumbrances of responsibility or
seriousness about a female. They spend any spare time from their
seemingly responsibility-free jobs in yuppie-filled dive bars trawling
for easy hook-ups. Correction; Mikey did actually marry his college
sweetheart, but for the sake of giving him something to do in this
movie, said wife informs him she wants a divorce in the film’s first
minutes. Being such great chums, Jason and Daniel - not really doing
anything different - pledge to stay single in sympathy with their
heartbroken friend, while possibly having changes of heart about their
own levels of commitment.
With
its barrage of trendy New York location shots (They must’ve used the
heck out of that tax credit), including some that don’t make sense (One
long exterior shot of Little Italy then switches to the characters
walking in Union Square.), I wonder if the filmmakers were going for
a sort of Sex and the City for the Entitled Generation They didn’t seem
to understand that they’ve created a story where Manhattan is nothing
more to this gaggle of yuppie jerks with too much disposable income than
a bodily fluid dumping ground. The lack of intelligence, insight,
irony, maturity or cleverness that saturates this dreck renders That
Awkward Moment unfit to dust off SatC’s Jimmy Choos.
Amongst the many things wrong with this movie, the female characters are
an insult. There isn’t one worth mentioning except as plot devices to
the men’s sexploits. There’s the aforementioned cheating wife who gives
her spouse some incredible spiel about their not planning to have kids
as an excuse for her infidelity. Perhaps that should’ve been discussed
before you got married? There is the obligatory, one-of-the-guys galpal
who serves as a shill for the boys’ pubside hookups. We never really
learn much about that particular female, who predictably attaches to
Daniel, the crude(est) friend, other than anything he does is
okay with her as long as they have sex; she has no emotions or desire
for anything else for herself. Still, there she is, ready to be the
one who suddenly brings meaning into the life of the irrepressible cad.
We do discover she comes from a ridiculously wealthy family whose
ostentatious, Waldorf-sized Thanksgiving dinners could fund a small
country. Don’t even get me started on the gigantic, blindingly pricey
living spaces all through the film. How can two book cover designers of
some of the worst art I’ve ever seen afford a multi-room, hardwood floor
demiloft in downtown Manhattan? There wasn’t much to remember about the
main chick; the dream girl Efron’s wastes his time and ours denying his
feelings for, except my hands kept twitching with their need to grab a
brush and comb out her maddeningly unkempt goldilocks. This girl is so
immediately enamoured of Efron’s Jason, that his hasty departure after
they’ve had sex within the first few minutes of meeting, which he later
explains was due to his assumption that she was a hooker, is perfectly
forgivable. The only true moment of comedy occurs when Jason’s
incomprehensible misunderstanding of his new squeeze’s straightforward
invitation to her dress up birthday celebration finds him entering the
elegant affair with a dildo hanging out of his pants. That’s not the
funny part: After he’s introduced to the girl’s parents, he not only
hasn’t the sense to remove said phallus, but continues wearing it all
through the party; an act for which her father expresses not only
approval, but admiration. I’m sure this is the exactly the quality
every dad wants in the man who courts his little girl. That bizarre
parent is introduced only long enough to magically die a few minutes
later, which allows our jerk “hero” to use his non-attendance of the
funeral to make the statement that the couple are not really boyfriend
and girlfriend. Yes. Bottling the combined charm of these characters
would keep the Summer’s Eve company in business for a lifetime.
The
only sympathy or feeling we have in the entire movie is for Mikey, the
only mature member of the trio, played by Fruitvale Station’s Michael B.
Jordan, as the only one whose character has even a hint of depth - a
hint and that’s all. Mikey is the one who “checked all the boxes,” and
did everything right, but whose wife suddenly, inexplicably deserts him
for another man. Maybe she didn’t like his friends? Jordan also
appears to be the only one taking his performance seriously, which seems
an awful waste. Miles Teller’s Daniel is an obnoxious, one-note, crude
joke machine, and as Jason, Zac Efron’s bulked-up muscles have smothered
any charisma or visible talent he might have shown in Me and Orson
Welles.
It’s
just vile. I have no idea how something like this was ever made. It’s
particularly troubling that this was released by Focus Features;
primarily known as the prestige movie company responsible for
provocative and excellent fare like Blood Simple, Billy Elliot, Lust,
Caution, Being John Malkovich, Milk and Lost in Translation. Whahoppen?
Focus went way out of focus when it greenlighted this disaster. It’s
mind-boggling that it got past the pitch stage.
Towards the end of That Awkward Moment, there’s a scene where a taxi
hits one of the characters, obviously for the riotous laughter sure to
ensue. I gave that cab a standing ovation and was bereft when I
discovered it didn’t finish the job.
~ The
Lady Miz Diva
January 31st, 2014
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